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Burnt Toast

Conversion roast

Find what's killing your conversions before you spend on ads or launch.

Paste a URL. Get the score, the two fixes that matter most, and a headline you could ship. The Burnt Toast humor is the flavor. The point is the leaks, caught before the ad budget or the launch.

Drop in a page

Free teaser

No payment. You get the score, the top two fixes, and one headline. The rest stays locked. Three free teasers per IP and per site each day.

01

Paste the URL

No payment and no password. Email is optional. We read the public page and stop there — nothing to install, nothing to log into.

02

See the toast level

The teaser is the overall score, the top two fixes, and one rewritten headline. The rest of the roast stays on the page, blurred, until you unlock it.

03

Unlock it, or keep going

$9 opens that one URL. $19 is a one-time 30-day pass for full roasts and re-roasts, with a 50-roast fair-use cap.

Example roast

What the full unlock looks like

Puddle & Pine is a fictional camping-kettle brand. The free teaser shows the score, two fixes, and one headline. This is the rest of it.

Sample · fictional company

Puddle & Pine

https://puddleandpine.example

Puddle & Pine, we need to talk about “Elevate your mornings.” That is not a product. That is a throw pillow. Somewhere under the fog and the forest photo is a camping kettle, and you made people scroll like they are foraging for it.

The button says Learn more, which is what you click when you are not ready to want something. There is no price, no person who has boiled water in a breeze, and no reason to trust a stranger with $128 of camp cookware.

The bones are fine. The page is pretty. It is also hiding the only sentence that matters: this is a kettle that works when the wind is up. Say that while the bread is still warm.

Scorecard

  • 4

    Clarity of value prop / 10

    A visitor cannot tell what you sell until the third paragraph.

  • 3

    Headline / 10

    “Elevate your mornings” could be yogurt, yoga, or a mattress.

  • 4

    CTA / 10

    “Learn more” postpones the decision instead of offering one.

  • 2

    Social proof / 10

    No reviews, no logos, nobody who has actually used the kettle.

  • 5

    Visual hierarchy / 10

    The forest photo takes the stage. The product and price never do.

  • 6

    Speed / mobile basics / 10

    Inferred from markup only: the page is light, but the hero copy is easy to miss on a phone.

Rewritten hero

  1. 1The camping kettle that boils in a breeze.
  2. 2Hot water at camp, without the gadget pile.
  3. 3A kettle built for windy mornings, not showroom shelves.

Sturdy, fast, and light enough for the food bag. $128, and it ships in two days.

Get the kettle

Fix these first

  1. 1. Say what it is in the headline

    Lead with the kettle and the wind, not a mood.

  2. 2. Put the price next to the button

    A hidden price makes the page feel like it is stalling.

  3. 3. Replace “Learn more”

    The button should name the thing they are about to get.

  4. 4. Add proof from a real trip

    One quote from someone who boiled water outside beats another forest photo.

  5. 5. Give the product the first screen

    The kettle should be the hero. The trees can wait.

Pricing

Free, $9, or $19 for 30 days

Teaser

Free

See the leaks before you pay anyone, including us.

  • Overall score and toast level
  • Top 2 fixes
  • One rewritten headline
  • Shareable card and link
Get a free teaser

Full roast

$9

One URL. The whole write-up, on the page and by email.

  • Complete six-point scorecard
  • Full hero rewrite
  • Top 5 fixes
  • Magic link, no password

Run a teaser first. The unlock sits on that page, for that URL only.

30-day pass

$19

One-time. Not a subscription. Tied to your email.

  • Full roasts and re-roasts
  • 30 days, then it ends
  • Fair use: 50 roasts
  • Magic link, no password

One-time payment. Magic link, no password. Fair use is 50 roasts.

Questions, before the heat

+How fast is the teaser?

The free teaser shows up on the page as soon as the roast is written, usually within a minute. Paying for the $9 unlock uses that cached roast for 24 hours, so unlocking does not start the work over.

+What do you actually read?

The public HTML: title, description, headings, hero copy, buttons, and image alt text. We don't ask for a password, and we don't log into anything. Private, localhost, and internal addresses are refused.

+What is the free teaser?

Paste a URL. No payment. Email is optional. You get the overall score, a toast level from Lightly Toasted through Charcoal, the top two fixes, and one rewritten headline. The rest of the roast stays locked. Free teasers are limited to 3 per IP per day and 3 per site per day. A repeat of a URL we already roasted in the last 24 hours does not spend that limit.

+What do I get for $9?

The full roast for that one URL: the complete six-point scorecard, the full hero rewrite (three headlines, a subheadline, and button copy), and the top five fixes. It opens on the private results page and arrives by email. A magic link signs you in. There is no password.

+What is the $19 pass?

A one-time $19 payment, not a subscription, for 30 days of full roasts and re-roasts tied to the email you buy with. It does not renew. Access is a magic link in the receipt email, or the signed cookie that link sets. Fair use is 50 roasts per pass. After that, new roasts stop until the 30 days end. Roasts already made stay readable while the pass is active.

+Is this a subscription?

No. The $9 unlock is one URL. The $19 pass is a one-time 30-day payment. Neither renews.

+Is the sample a real company?

Puddle & Pine is a fictional camping-kettle brand. The sample is the shape of a full roast.

+What if the page can't be read?

You get a note instead of a made-up roast. We don't invent copy we couldn't see, and we don't charge to unlock a page that never produced a roast.